Obsession

Hey, you’re missing it.

You’re thinking about next Tuesday. Or you’re thinking about work. Or when she’ll call you again. You wish you could skip ahead, like a small child itching for Christmas morning, to grab at what will happen next. But don’t you see? If you focus on that, playing out the wishful narratives in your head, you’ll miss the magic today has to offer.

I have spent whole days of my life daydreaming about what could be. I think there is a shadow side to the ‘law of attraction’. Sometimes, we get so obsessed with what we want that we let it consume us.

‘I’m just manifesting it. Really passionately. All the time.’ I excuse myself, unconvincingly.

But recent books I’ve read (written mostly by Buddhist monks) speak of obsession alongside hatred and envy - though in some ways it doesn’t feel as malicious as other emotions, it weakens us more than we care to realise. Obsession is something to find in yourself, understand and then gently unearth from your very core.

Allowing this to become our suffering is so simple. We need only to sit still and let our minds paint us with our worries of the future and mistakes of the past. I am obsessed with success, with love, with an unknowing family I’ve somehow tied my heart to.

What is the cure? I don’t know. But I’m making more of an effort to be here, now, to interact with my real-life senses over my what-ifs and daydreams. Peace is sitting soft on the page of today, not trying to wield the pen, melt the wax and demand the storyline of the next chapters.

Today

Today has only a few characters, although some of them are new and may have adventures for me yet. Today it rained heavy and glorious in Edinburgh while I sat restless with a fever and got to know each corner of my duvet. Today was magic, in its own lonely way. And I’ll not wish anything for tomorrow, or the next day; this story is better if I leave it be.